You know lately i have been in a pretty dark place, but whenever my bud, Brian, tries to cheer me up it usually works & i'm smiling & laughing, almost like i used to. My only problem? I've discovered that i am literally terrified of getting into another relationship. With anyone. And i'm even more terrified of the thought of ever being engaged again. Hopefully i'll grow out of it but right now it's just a pain in the butt & a burden. When i decided that i no longer loved Chad a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders, but now i feel tension from my fears.
A couple at my church just celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary. A big milestone, and a big inspiration. My grandparents on my dad's side were married for over 50 years and i always told my grandma, "some day i'm gonna have a love like you and grandpa have." i thought so bad that that was Chad. i still have a glimmer of hope that it is. i bawled at their vow renewal especially when our Pastor played a special song for them. I'm not sure what the title is but i'd assume "It's Still I Do" maybe. It said in the song, even when the going got tough we stayed by each others side, we never walked away from everything we had. Oh how i wish Chad would have been as willing as i was to fight through the tough spots.
I guess we'll just have to wait & see what the good Lord has in store for me won't we?
I still have not been able to force myself/get myself to delete my wedding folder. My best friend is getting married so i told her she can have it & use/take whatever she wants from it. Under one condition. i asked her to please..please, please, please..don't take my dress. She, thank God, already found a dress she had in mind. I just for some reason cannot let that dress go. It was my dream dress but i know i'll never be able to wear it now because that was my dress with Chad. That was the gown i was going to marry the love of my life in. But everything just slipped away.
I just don't understand what kind of plan God has in store for me. He brings me to the man i'm supposed to spend my life with then when i pray to him begging him to help me keep him he just stands by & watches as my whole world comes crashing down & i lose the only man i ever want to be with.
Talk about tough love.
xo,
molly.
Monday, June 17, 2013
Wednesday, June 12, 2013
Wow! It's Been Awhile!
Sorry i haven't posted in like forever! been such a busy couple months! here's some updates..
the first big time stealer:
Chad & i are officially completely over forever. not talking. not friends. nothing. he completely sucked all the love i had left for him out of me. only problem...if he ever called me or texted me wanting to get back together with me, i'd say yes without giving it a second though.
for now i'm single though. liking it yet hating it. honestly legitimately terrified to get into another relationship. we'll see how things play out.
the second time stealer:
i've been studying non-stop so i can become a self-ordained minister. not only will i be able to preach God's Word, i'll be able to officiate weddings, funerals, baptisms, & things like that. i'm so excited!!
some updates on misc. things that have been going on:
i died my hair! i'm now a brunette! i dyed it when i was in North Carolina back in mid/end of May. i'm still trying to decide if i want to keep it brown longer after my roots come in or if i just wanna go back to bleach blonde. only worry, my friends told me my hair could turn orange if i dye it back to blonde & something goes wrong...greeeatt.
i'm working on getting my own place, and might have one this summer. i'm so excited! fingers crossed!! i already have ideas of how i'm gonna decorate haha. is that bad? idk.
Oh! last week i also finally got my Gold Award pin. the highest award in Girl Scouting you can get. it's equivalent to the Eagle Scout in Boy Scouts. i am so honored & proud to call myself a Gold Awardee. The few & the proud! haha.
Anyway i think that's it for right now. i might post something later today or tomorrow. i've actually really missed this. blog you later!
xo,
molly.
the first big time stealer:
Chad & i are officially completely over forever. not talking. not friends. nothing. he completely sucked all the love i had left for him out of me. only problem...if he ever called me or texted me wanting to get back together with me, i'd say yes without giving it a second though.
for now i'm single though. liking it yet hating it. honestly legitimately terrified to get into another relationship. we'll see how things play out.
the second time stealer:
i've been studying non-stop so i can become a self-ordained minister. not only will i be able to preach God's Word, i'll be able to officiate weddings, funerals, baptisms, & things like that. i'm so excited!!
some updates on misc. things that have been going on:
i died my hair! i'm now a brunette! i dyed it when i was in North Carolina back in mid/end of May. i'm still trying to decide if i want to keep it brown longer after my roots come in or if i just wanna go back to bleach blonde. only worry, my friends told me my hair could turn orange if i dye it back to blonde & something goes wrong...greeeatt.
i'm working on getting my own place, and might have one this summer. i'm so excited! fingers crossed!! i already have ideas of how i'm gonna decorate haha. is that bad? idk.
Oh! last week i also finally got my Gold Award pin. the highest award in Girl Scouting you can get. it's equivalent to the Eagle Scout in Boy Scouts. i am so honored & proud to call myself a Gold Awardee. The few & the proud! haha.
Anyway i think that's it for right now. i might post something later today or tomorrow. i've actually really missed this. blog you later!
xo,
molly.
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